Making Decisions

One thing I hate doing is trying to decide between two or more things that present the same extraordinary advantages cuz i can be sooo indecisive at times. But I'm not talking about things like picking a shoe from the store, or trying to decide which dress to wear to a party. I'm talking about bigger decisions, like what university to go to, what course to study, what youu should make your blog/website about, who to support in an argument between your mother and your wife (lol). Sometimes, making a decision, no matter how simple, may be the most difficult thing to do. So here are six amazing steps on how to make decisions, generally.

1) List your options. Prima facie, it may appear that there is only one course of action, but that is usually not true. Even if your situation seems limited, try to make a list of alternatives. Refrain from evaluating at this point; brainstorm and write down every idea that comes to mind, as crazy as it may seem. You can always cross it off the list later, but with those crazy ideas might come some creative solutions that you might not have considered otherwise. Then ask other people for suggestions. Be terse and ask them what they might do in your situation. Sometimes strangers can offer the most creative ideas because they do not share your assumptions or biases.

2) Weigh the possible outcomes. For every option, list every possible outcome and label it as positive or negative. One way to do this is to put a plus sign (+) next to a positive outcome and a minus sign (-) next to each negative outcome; especially positive or negative outcomes can get two signs instead of one. Some people find it helpful to make a decision tree, which lays out every possibility in visual format.

•  For every scenario, think about whether the best possible outcome is worth accepting the risk of the worst possible outcome. If the worst possible outcome is completely unacceptable to you, meaning that you could never forgive yourself if it happens, then you probably shouldn't make that decision. 
• Make note of the likelihood of each outcome. Give each one a percentage (e.g. there's an 80% chance of this happening, and a 20% chance of that happening). Make sure your estimates are based on experience or observation; otherwise, your fear or excitement might distort your perception of probability. 
• Consider which option will encounter the most resistance and why. Significant difficulty in implementing a decision can sometimes outweigh the benefits of the outcome, depending on the situation. Other times, it's the most resisted decision that would make the biggest difference. 

3) Consult your intuition. You must feel comfortable with the decision. On your list or tree, place markings next to those decisions that are backed up by your intuition. There are several ways to find out which those are:

•  Imagine your ideal self. If you were already the person you're striving to be, what would you do? If this is difficult to grasp, then think of your role models and heroes--the people who inspire you. What would they do in your place, and why? 
• Focus your mind through meditation or prayer. Push analysis out of your head and trust the guidance of something other than your conscious mind, whether it's a deity, the universe, or your subconscious mind. Which decision feels right now? 
• Visualize every outcome in detail. Engage all your senses when you picture what could happen as a result of each decision. If you're debating whether to visit a certain destination, for example, imagine that you're there--the views, the smells, the sounds, and every last detail. Maybe you'll find that you want it--or don't want it--more than you thought you did. Just be sure to imagine every outcome in detail, not just the best or the worst ones. 
• Fast forward. Imagine you've already made the decision; which one would you feel the proudest of? Which one makes you feel like a better person or as though you've made the world a better place? If you were on your deathbed, looking back on your entire life, which decision would you be most likely to regret? 

4)  Make a choice. This is, of course, the hardest step, but there will hopefully be a decision on your list that is backed up by both logic and intuition. It should have more plus signs than negative signs, and it should have your intuition's approval. If things don't match up clearly, though, ask for advice from people you trust. This can be a good tie-breaker.

•  No matter which decision you make, be prepared to accept responsibility for every outcome. If things don't work out, it's always better to have made a conscious decision than to have been careless. At least you can say that you did the best you could. 
• If you can, make a backup plan in preparation for any negative outcome. Think ahead. The best decision makers aren't people who never make mistakes; they're people who hope for the best and prepare for the worst. 

5)  Implement your decision wholeheartedly and joyfully. Once you have made a decision, implement it totally. At this stage, don't be confused by thinking about the other potential alternatives that you did not pick.

6) Evaluate your decision. This is the most important step. If you don't evaluate your decision afterward, you won't learn anything from it. Ask yourself whether the outcome was what you expected. Would you do it again? What do you know now that you didn't know before? How would you turn this lesson learned into advice? By drawing insight and wisdom from every decision you make, you can ensure that every choice has at least one positive outcome.

Tips

• Don't get too hung up on keeping your options open. Researchers have found that our aversion to letting doors close, so to speak, results in poor decisions. 
• Don't get lost in the decision-making process. Give yourself a time limit if you have to make the decision soon or if the decision is relatively unimportant. There is the risk of "paralysis by analysis". If you are trying to decide what movie to rent this weekend, don't spend an hour writing down titles. 
• Remember that you may not have enough information to make a good decision. Do more research if you're having trouble narrowing down your options. Also realize that the information you need may not be available to you. After reviewing all the information you have, you may have to go ahead and make a decision. 
• Don't overthink it. If you try too hard, you may miss the obvious. 
• No scenario is perfect. Once you have made a decision, carry it out wholeheartedly as best as you can without regrets and without worrying about the other alternatives you did not pick. 
• After your decision is made, new major information may come to light suggesting alterations to or the wholesale reversal of your original decision. Don't be afraid to go through the decision-making process again if this happens. Consider that all your options may be about equally good if you have thought about the decision for a very long time. In that case, all the options may have great advantages and great disadvantages. You would've already made the decision if one of the options could be proven to be significantly better than the others.

 Warnings

• Stay away from people who make it seem as though they want what's best for you, but assume they know what that is and you don't. Their suggestions might be right, but if they refuse to account for your feelings and concerns, they might be very, very wrong as well. 
• Remember that at some point, indecision becomes a decision to do nothing, which might be the worst decision of all.

Top 10 worst female health habits

Wearing heels

More and more of us are opting to wear heels on a daily basis, and this could be bad news for our health. High heels affect our posture, put pressure on joints, and can lead to a range of conditions including arthritis, hammer toes, back pain and tendon injuries – and that’s before you take into account any heel-related accidents! To minimise damage, limit your heels to 1.5 inches for daily wear, and wear insoles to help reduce the pressure on joints.

Women wearing high heels

Carrying a heavy handbag

With the rising number of gadgets and accessories the majority of women haul around, many of us are carrying around several pounds of weight on our shoulders every day. As a result, lots of us are also putting our long term health at risk. While you may not feel the effects right now, lugging around a heavy handbag can lead to serious back problems and neck pain as well as poor posture. Don’t wait until the damage is done – do your health a favour and try clearing out all non-essential items and switching to a smaller bag.

Sleeping in makeup

Most of us have succumbed to the temptation to sleep in our post-party makeup at some point. However, leaving makeup on overnight – along with the dirt and oil that naturally accumulates on skin throughout the day – is a quick route to clogged pores, congested skin and spots. Sleeping with mascara and eye makeup on can also affect your health by causing eye irritation, bloodshot eyes or even infection.

Matching men drink for drink

From networking drinks to first dates and social events, there are many instances when women may feel compelled to keep up with the drinking habits of the opposite sex. However, women not only tend to weigh less than men but they have less body water to dilute the alcohol, which means they tend to get more drunk more quickly. To minimise the risks of alcohol on your health, try to keep within the recommended guidelines for alcohol consumption and alternate alcohol with soft drinks.

Wearing the wrong bra size

It is thought that more than 70 per cent of women are wearing the wrong bra size. However, wearing a badly fitted bra can not only affect the look of your clothes, but research suggests it can cause a range of health problems including back, neck and breast pain, breathing difficulties, poor posture, skin irritation, circulation problems and even irritable bowel syndrome. Rather than guessing your size, make sure you get measured to ensure you are getting the support you need.

Worrying and harbouring regrets

Stress is damaging to both our physical and mental health, and women are twice as likely as men to suffer from stress-related disorders, as well as having higher rates of depression and anxiety. While it is thought there may be biological reasons for this, worrying about the future and dwelling on regrets can also add to our problems, with research suggesting that women are more than twice as likely as men to harbour regrets over lost loves and broken relationships.

Obsessing over appearance

While both genders suffer from body insecurity, many women tend to overly obsess over their idea of the “perfect” body. Research findings published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology found that 16 per cent of the normal or underweight women studied believed themselves to be overweight, while a study commissioned by Dove found that 90 per of women wanted to change at least one aspect of their appearance. Body insecurity not only affects our mental health, but it can also lead to physical damage caused by extreme diets, yo-yo dieting, eating disorders and cosmetic surgery.

Woman looking in the mirror

Emotional eating

While comfort eating affects both genders, research has suggested that men are more likely to reinforce positive emotions with food, while women comfort eat when they’re sad. Women are also more likely to satisfy their cravings with sweet, high-calorie foods. Rather than letting your waistline suffer next time you’re feeling blue, try distracting yourself from cravings by doing something you enjoy, or boost your endorphins and health with an uplifting workout.

Not getting enough sleep

Not only can lack of sleep make us look and feel at our worst, but insufficient shut-eye can also lead to increased accidents, calorie consumption and heart disease risk. Unluckily for women, statistics suggest that sleep problems affect more women than men, while a study by the University of Michigan found that women are more than twice as likely to give up sleep to care for others. Unfortunately, sleep has been found to affect women’s blood pressure and mood more than men’s, making it imperative that you do your best to get a good night’s sleep.

Putting themselves last

Not only are women more likely to compromise their sleeping habits to care for children and others, they are also prone to putting their own wants and needs at the bottom of a hectic to-do list of chores and obligations. To avoid running yourself into the ground, learn to sometimes say no to those requests and commitments that are less than essential, and make sure you set aside some “me” time each week to do something enjoyable just for you. Read more on realbuzz.com...

TRUST AND LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

So, I got a message asking me to write a post on this topic, so here it is.

The biggest problem with long distance relationships is lack of trust. There are many reasons for long distance relationship; when you meet someone while vacationing and start dating and then finally have to go back home, when your partner has to relocate on an official or military assignment and a lot of other reasons. All I know is, if the relationship is meant to be, it WILL work, no matter the distance. All you have to do is learn to trust your partner; in fact, your whole relationship should be built on trust. Learn all about trusting your boyfriend here.

When you begin to get those weird thoughts of him being with another woman, stop right away and switch to positive thoughts.

Communication is key, if you have a reason to doubt your partner, talk it out with him/her. Now, from wikihow, here’s how to make a long distance relationship work(18 steps).

1. Consider using Skype video chat calls every day, text messaging, phone calls and email every day. It is important to keep up contact and to be in eachother’s daily lives as much as possible.

2. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the limits of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend-girlfriend, engaged) as well as defining exclusive (limited to one person,) or non-exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?" or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?" Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to keep up what they need.

3. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... People in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. Here's a free list of 100+ things you can do with your long distance partner.

4. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and keep up an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask on for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Ensure the e-mails are substantive and detailed, it will show that you care enough to put in the time and effort. Write love letters. Send small gifts, cards, or send flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand—you don't take communication for granted!

You can set up reminders, including automatically recurring reminders, for this purpose in calendaring software on your computer or online. This is especially important when you don't have much contact with the others friends to remember important events such as birthdays.

5. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (and not snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, not being dragged into a bunch of chick flicks, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to keep up your individuality—something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together. Here are added benefits of long distance relationships.

6. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

7. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

8. Try challenging each other. This is not the same as being controlling. You may find that you can do things for each other that you couldn't find the motivation to do on your own. Perhaps you could motivate yourselves to get some exercise or to cook better or more often. It will give you something to do while you wait to see your partner again, and it will give you both something to strive for and talk about until then.

9. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

10. Remember: Things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.

Read more at http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

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WHY HE WON’T CALL YOU BACK AFTER YOUR FIRST DATE

“He couldn't stop staring at me…”

“He couldn’t stop saying how pretty ma eyes looked…”

“WHY DIDN’T HE CALL ME BACK!!!”

This has probably happened to so many of us after our first dates. Just when you think you both hit it off, he doesn’t call back!! Urgh!

One of the most important things to learn about dating is that much like when you’re in a relationship with a guy and they fear confrontation and nagging, many men are wusses about conveying in any way that is date is anything less than up to par. This means that they will carry on like they’re on the date of their life and make you feel good about it even though they have no intention of seeing you again because they don’t want to look like a prick and need to make you feel good about them and the date. So while you’re thinking it was great, his opinion might be completely different.

On the other hand, the problem might be from the guy and not from you.

He could be fickle, emotionally unavailable, or bored because he’s already managed to have sex with you. Sometimes we make the mistake of assuming that a sexual connection makes a great date when in fact it can often spell the last date.

To avoid this, here are some things you can do:

Instructions

1)       Food. Eat a decent amount of food at the restaurant. Even if you diet all the time to keep your figure, you don't need to make it look like you have issues with food on the first date.

2)       Smile. This is the easiest way to let him know you are interested in him. If he doesn't get the clue that you're interested, he probably will not bother calling you for another date.

3)       Courtesy. If he opens the car door for you, be sure to reach over and unlock his side. This shows him that you are considerate and think about other people.

4)       Be polite. Say please and thank you to him and everyone else around you. Show him how pleasant you are to be around.

5)       End the date with a kiss on the cheek or a peck on the lips. You want to leave him wanting more and not wondering how many other guys you've done that with on a first date....

6)       Do not stay out too late. Resist the urge to go to his place after dinner. If you go to his place, he may again wonder how many other times you've done this on a first date....

Read more: How to Get Him to Call You After the First Date | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004114_get-him-call-after-first-date.html#ixzz1uGanoeLp

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How to Use Lemon for Natural Skin Care and Beauty Treatment

Hey guys!! I just found an amazing way to use lemon for skin care. Enjoy!!

Lemon juice has many flavorful and healthy uses when added to foods and drinks. It also has a variety of uses for natural skin and beauty treatments as well. Here are some of the ways you can use lemon as a natural part of your beauty regimen.

Instructions:

USE LEMON FOR BEAUTIFUL SKIN

For brighter, softer skin use fresh lemon juice on any area of your body, including the knees, elbows, and face to brighten up and soften your skin. Lemon juice also fades freckles and age spots by applying lemon juice on the areas before going to bed at night. Over the course of a week or two, it will cleanse the skin and lighten its color. You can also add 1/2 cup of fresh juice to your bath water and soak for 20 minutes for an all over skin treatment.

If your skin is sensitive to the citric acid in lemons, you may desire to dilute the lemon juice with a bit of water rather than use it full strength. I apply lemon juice to my skin by putting the juice on an already moistened cotton ball. It is also not advisable that you apply lemon juice to your skin before sun exposure as it makes the skin more sensitive to the sun.

Get Rid of Blackheads by rubbing lemon juice over the area of your face that has blackheads before going to bed at night. In the morning, rinse your face with cool water. Repeat this procedure nightly until blackheads are gone.

Make a moisturizing mask for dry skin by mixing equal amounts of honey, lemon and olive oil. Apply the mixture to dry areas on the skin and allow it to dry thoroughly for about 10 minutes. Rinse with warm water.

As a toner for oily skin, combine 2 tablespoons lemon juice, 2 tablespoons vodka, 1 tablespoon distilled water, and 1 teaspoon witch hazel. Use cotton balls to apply the mixture to your skin then rinse. You can store this mixture in the refrigerator for about a week.

To exfoliate dead skin cells rub a cut lemon dipped into a half-teaspoon of sugar over your face for a few minutes, or create a mild mixture by using lemon juice, sugar and a small amount of water. Do this every night to help remove accumulated dead skin cells and refresh your skin.

To make a lemon anti-wrinkle mask mix a teaspoon of honey, a few drops of lemon juice and a drop of sweet almond oil. Apply this mixture on the face and allow it to dry for 20 minutes and wash off.

USE LEMON TREATMENTS FOR THE HAIR

To make a hair conditioner for dull, damaged hair combine 3/4 cup Olive Oil, with 1/2 cup raw honey and 3 tablespoons of lemon juice. Use the mixture by combing the lemon juice mixture evenly throughout already wet hair. Then cover hair with a plastic cap or bag for a 1/2 hour. Shampoo and rinse this conditioner out of your hair.

To add natural highlights to your hair use 1/4 cup lemon juice and 3/4 cup water mixed together and apply the mixture to your hair. I prefer to mix it in a spray bottle and then spray it on my hair and comb it through. Sit in the sun for 25 minutes or use the heat from a blow dryer for a sun bleached look. Each use will lighten the hair slightly.

For a lemon hair rinse, mix the juice from two lemons (about 3 fluid ounces) with a quart of water. This rinse helps to reduce oils from oily hair.

Treat hair loss by mixing lemon juice with four tablespoons of coconut milk. Apply the mixture to the scalp once a week.

To treat dandruff and an itchy scalp take an egg white and mix it with the juice of a lemon (about 3 Tablespoons). Apply this mixture to the scalp and rub it in and let it set for an hour, and then wash it out. Repeat treatment for a month.

USE LEMON FOR NAIL CARE

For strong, shiny, bright fingernails soak your fingernails in lemon juice for about 10 minutes. Then brush your fingernails with a nail brush dipped in a mixture of 1/2 white vinegar and 1/2 warm water and then rinse with warm water.

USE LEMON FOR NATURAL TEETH AND BREATH TREATMENTS

As a natural breath freshener the citric acid from lemons destroys odor causing bacteria. You can quickly rid bad breath by squirting a few drops of lemon juice into your mouth, swish it around for about 15 seconds and then swallow it, or drink lemon water during the day, to freshen up your breath anytime!

Naturally whiten your teeth by rubbing half a lemon with table salt and a pinch of baking soda on the teeth or brush your teeth with a mixture of lemon juice, salt and baking soda.

USE LEMON FOR A BODY DETOX TREATMENT

Lemon water is also great for detoxifying for your body. In a glass, mix the juice from a lemon with warm water and sweeten with 1 tsp of honey. Lemon juice aids your liver in flushing out unwanted toxins, stimulates blood circulation, reduces arterial pressure, and activates bile and intestinal secretions. So it's a good idea to drink lemon water daily.

Tips & Warnings

• 1 lemon contains about 3 tablespoons or 1.5 fluid ounces of juice.
• If your skin is sensitive to the citric acid in lemons, you may desire to dilute the lemon juice with a bit of water rather than use it full strength.

It is not advisable that you apply lemon juice to your skin before sun exposure as it makes the skin more sensitive to the sun.

Read more: How to Use Lemon for Natural Skin Care and Beauty Treatment | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5058113_use-skin-care-beauty-treatment.html#ixzz1uauCS6dz

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How to Deal with Jealousy in Relationships

5 Ways to Stop Being So Jealous About Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend:

Bothered by the attention that your boyfriend or girlfriend gets from other people? Can't stand it when your sweetie's ex is around? Sounds like you've got a jealous streak.

Although jealousy can be a sign of love. too much of it can ruin a relationship.

If you do something foolish about it - like blame your boyfriend or girlfriend, or lash out at the ex - you're going to drive your sweetie away. Here are 5 ways to ward off those jealous thoughts.
1. Recognize Why You're Jealous

People will rarely go out of their ways to make you feel jealous. Instead, jealousy in relationships usually comes from insecurity that you feel about yourself or about your relationship. When you feel a pang of jealousy, try to figure out what's really at the root of it. You'll probably find that solving the problem involves changing something about you rather than changing the way your girlfriend or the people around her act.

2. Build Up Your Self-Esteem

Confident people aren't jealous because they know they don't have a reason to be. Take a little time every day to do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself. When insecure thoughts enter your head, try to push them out. Little by little, your confidence will build, and you'll care less about what other people think.

3. Quit Comparing

You're probably tempted to compare yourself to the other girls in your boyfriend's life, and to keep double-checking to make sure your boyfriend thinks you're prettier and cooler than they are. Snap out of it! When it comes to dating, people can't be compared like that. No matter what your boyfriend's exes and female friends are like, he likes you for you.

4. Put Yourself in Other People's Shoes

If your girlfriend has an ex-boyfriend who wants her back, think about how you'd feel if you were him: probably pretty hopeless and depressed. You have more reason to feel bad for him than to be angry at him.

5. Remember that Acting Jealous Doesn't Help Anything

In fact, jealousy in relationships only makes things worse - especially if it changes the way you act around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Why ruin a perfectly good relationship with negative thoughts?

I hope this helped!!! Special thanks to Francis Obiekwe (supermcflyguy.wordpress.com)

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I Love You

Who sat and washed my infant head

When sitting on my cradle bed

And tears of sweet affection shed

MY MOTHER!!!

If you don’t know this poem, you should probably go back to kindergarten!!

Before I start with today’s post, I would like to inform you all that this blog is NOT just a relationship blog as I originally intended it to be. I will now like this blog to be about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in order to target a bigger audience.

And now, today’s post is gonna be about…… *drumroll please* MY MOTHER!!!(and probably mothers in general, although my mum is like no other)

The dictionary will probably describe a mother as a female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.

What is YOUR definition of a mother??

Well my mother is my back bone, my second God, one of the reasons I’m alive today. Just like her name says, she’s my comfort. My mum is always where my home is. She is my pillar of support anytime, any day. She’s always there to correct me when I’m wrong.

My mother, to me, means courage. She’s gone through a lot in her life but that did not make her loose her courageous spirit. It has never stopped her from doing the right thing.

My mother, to me, means faith. She never gives up on her loved ones. She has unlimited amount of faith in all her children. Even when we fall, she always believes we can rise again.

To me, my mother is life. She gave me life when she could have chosen otherwise. She gave me life and she wants me to live it to the best of my ability.

So, tell me, what does your mother mean to you??

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My Easter Holiday

Hey guys!!! I hope y’all had a fantastic Easter celebration, because I did. Although this week’s post is coming a little later than usual, I’m going to be doing something special this week and I hope y’all will contribute!!

So, I was at the beach yesterday with a bunch of friends and it was so much fun. Here are some pictures!!

Sadly, I didn't get the chance to take enough pictures because I was pushed into the WATER!!! while holding my camera...I hope it works again ;-(

Anyway, Easter was still a blast!! Now, I would like y'all to tell me a little about your Easter celebration and send me some cool pictures!! you can send your pictures to deebeedeborahblog@yahoo.com along with your name and the details of the picture and I'll feature them right here next week, SO START SENDING!!! xoxo

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Solving Relationship Problems

Hey guys!!! I hope y’all are doing great! Well, I’m not. I was quite disappointed when I found out that no one sent their Easter pictures to me. Well, it’s one of those things…

This week, we’ll be taking a look at relationship problems and how to solve them.

Your relationship will not always be picture perfect and whether you like or not, problems will come along. Having a relationship problem does not necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed, but it does mean that more effort will be required to keep it together. Most couples ignore their relationship problems, hoping it will go away on its own, or they make up but never discuss what happened or find ways to prevent it, which is why many couples suffer from chains of problems. Some problems will be easier to handle than others and it often helps to get professional relationship advice. A huge amount of people have found expert advice helpful and useful in improving their relationship and finding wonderful ways to solve their problems and avoid future similar troubles. Tackle your problems as soon as possible so your relationship can get back on track and continue to improve.

+ Frequent arguments: Sometimes, you realize that you and your partner argue for no clear reason. One minute you’re watching a movie, the next minute you’re arguing on what just happened in the movie. This kind of arguments can lead to breakdown in communication. Such breakdown often leads to unhealthy, “poisonous” patterns of behavior in which the partners relate to each other in a hurtful manner. Relationship Counselling expert, Dr John Gottman explains four of such “poisonous” ways of interacting that prevents resolving marriage problems constructively. The best way to avoid this is to sit your partner down and converse with them.

+ Feeling more angry, confused and sad than happy: This feeling usually arises when you think you can’t tolerate your partner anymore or vice versa. I’ve read so many stories of cases like this when the guy decides to break up with the girl for no reason, flirt with other girls, and then asks for forgiveness and repeats the same cycle. Often times, the woman tolerates all this because of the love she has for him and ends up feeling more angry, confused and sad than happy. Usually, the best solution is to abandon this sort of relationship. Honestly, you can do better. No one should have to go through this.

+ Complaining about your relationship (to others): complaining against one’s partner – either to the person, to other people or to oneself is dominant in some relationships. Some people think that complaining or pointing out the flaws will make them change but it makes things worse instead. If there’s anything your partner is doing that displeases you, or if he/she possesses a trait that you find annoying, the best thing to do is to talk to him/her about it or ignore such trait or behavior completely.

+ Not trusting your partner: The strength of a relationship is measured by how much you trust each other. Some people find it difficult to trust their partner, and for good reason too. If your partner has given you a reason, at one time or the other, not to trust him/her, then you are justified. If this is the case, then you should try to forgive your partner and give them a chance to gain your trust again. The love you have for your partner should enable you to trust them, or else, you will create a pattern of insecurity and jealousy which will eventually destroy that relationship.

+ Difficulty expressing your feelings to your partner: It’s very easy to share your thoughts, but not your feelings. By sharing what is in your heart with your partner, you can achieve deeper intimacy. If there’s no intimacy between you and your partner, then your relationship is headed for the rocks. Learn how to share your feelings here.

+ Betrayal: This is the major reason for distrust. Forgiveness is the key, if the love is there.

+ Being lied to or feeling that you have lied.

+ Not knowing where your relationship is leading.

+ Suspicion of an unfaithful partner.

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• Some Thoughts About Lying and Trust (counselorcarmella.wordpress.com)
• Take Advantage of Relationships Experts Advice (socyberty.com)
• How to Maintain a Healthy Marriage (in good times and bad) (heallovebe.wordpress.com)
• Helpful Love Tips to Help Lovers Avoid Problems?? (loveimpact2012.wordpress.com)
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Facts about Love and Relationships

Hey guys!! I hope my last post was really helpful. But if you need more advice, or you have more questions about love and relationships in general, send me an email at adebayo_deborah94@yahoo.com and i will answer all your questions right here. Now, for this week’s post, I asked a couple of my friends to write about their general opinion on love and relationships and here’s what they came up with. I hope this helps in some way!!

Francis Obiekwe-Scott

• Friends from our childhood or adolescence are special, no matter how much time has elapsed between visits. These compelling connections are the result of shared roots during the formative years. Our childhood friends and teenage sweethearts experienced with us all the wonderful, horrible, boring, and embarrassing moments that helped to make us who we are today.
  Yet, when children are young, parents may regard these relationships as insignificant. If the family must move to a new community, the children's close friends will have to be  left, so what? They will make new friends, the parents assure them. But, is a friend as interchangeable as a new toy for an old one, or is there more to friendship than that? Why are we so elated to rediscover long-lost friends in our adult years if, as some parents believe, they were as dispensable to us as children?
  Even more belittled by many parents is a teenager's (or preteen's) love for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Adults refer to these relationships with demeaning language, calling them "just puppy love," and these romantic bonds are not taken seriously. Parents question  teenagers' ability to know what love is, yet they accept their teenagers' statements, "I love you, Mom & Dad," with full appreciation and at face value. If adults accept that teenagers can love parents truly, then shouldn't they also accept that teen romances are "real" love?
  Recreational dating is relatively new. Teenagers, many years ago, used to marry their first sweethearts right out of high school. These men and women of the World War II Generation married at younger ages than their Baby Boomer children or their Generation X or Millennial grandchildren. But education has become prolonged, so marriage is later.
  The age of puberty, however, has dropped. Whatever the reasons for this, reaching puberty influences the age of first love and first sexual experience. It is rare now to marry a first love. Today's teenagers date not for the purpose of marriage but for fun. However, the first love experience is no less powerful than it was in the 1940's.
  Adults who underestimate the strength of the bond-- or the impact of the loss -- of a first love may have forgotten what a blow it was when they lost their own first loves. They may even try to comfort teenagers with light-hearted lessons:  "Don't worry! Boyfriends/girlfriends are like buses... a new one comes along every ten minutes!" This was not helpful, and it was not funny. The loss of a first love can sometimes be so crushing to some teenagers that they become suicidal.
  The pain of the breakup will subside with time, but the love may stay buried and dormant for decades. While most men and women find satisfying partners after first love breakups, there are adults who spend their married years aware that "something is missing." They continue to think about their lost first loves. Perhaps if they had married their first loves when they were younger, they could have formed lasting and fulfilling marriages, but they will never know. These romances were interrupted - often by their parents' interference
  Even the adults who had no current interest in their first loves, including those who had only bitter memories, revealed that these early romances influenced their life-long attitudes about love, and even about themselves.
  First love, young love, is indeed real love. This intense love does not come along every ten minutes. For some people, it may come only once in a lifetime.(check out his blog here)

Igwesi Kingsley

Love is when you have a special feeling for someone or something. Loving someone can be the nicest thing to ever happen to someone, believe me, I aint lying. When we love someone, we most likely will want to be in a relationship with that person but sometimes, we won’t have the guts to open up to this person(speaking from experience)and when this happens, someone who doesn’t care about them as much as you do will eventually take them away. Well, to me, love is the second best thing in life, so if you really love someone, cherish him or her because u might not know what u have until you've lost it.....and when it comes to the case of being in a relationship, PLEASE DON'T CHEAT!!! It makes one go insane when the truth finally comes out. Feel free to talk to your partner; being shy aint a question here because some are when they are with someone they claim to love. When you love someone, you should be free to tell then ANYTHING. Being in a relationship is a good thing but some people don’t value their partner, if you've found someone that makes you happy don’t relent on making him or her happy because love is a beautiful thing.

Khabeerah Abudu

• Love is when you are high on Dopamine...lolz… There are so many definitions to love but I don't think there is any perfect one. Even those who are in love cannot define exactly how they feel. To love someone, you have to see beyond how the person looks and find out haw that person is deep inside. This is a very great task and some people aren't able to do it until they become stuck with that person.
  To be in a relationship, trust and understanding must be present. Ladies you must trust him, not every girl he talks to wants to take your place. Guys, she is with you, relax. Distance may or may not affect a relationship depending on how much you love each other. With trust and understanding a relationship will prosper. On a last note, to people who have been heartbroken before;
• Try to forget that person, especially if he or she is with someone else.
• Before you move on, make sure that person really loves you before you dive into another relationship.
• With each heartbreak, you’re getting closer to meeting the perfect person, and you’re getting wiser too!!!
• NEVER force someone to love you.
• Don’t be stubborn, that person you take for granted might be the right person for you.
• Try not to hurt the one who truly loves you, you already know how it feels.
• NEVER EVER give up on love.

Blastgurl Udenze

• Everyone wants romance in their relationships, but LOVE is deeper and more profound than romance. There is nothing wrong with receiving flowers or chocolates, but if u are looking for that 'perfect' person, like everyone else is, then you would realize that LOVE is about loving their faults and bad habits, not just the butterflies you get in your tummy every time you see them because of how good-looking they are!!!! Hehe

On a last note, I just want to give a shout out to this website I recently found. She's an amazing inspiration, Trust me!!!

Jen's love lessons

If you’ve enjoyed this week’s post, don’t hesitate to like, share, follow my blog, and of course, leave your comments. Thanks for stopping by!!! :-)

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                                                                                               Dee

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